


The Author

by mymaskismywords



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Canon Typical Violence, Gravity Falls AU, Just teens fighting monsters, Swearing, for gravity falls, mythological creatures, not the 100, you know the drill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-01
Updated: 2020-09-01
Packaged: 2021-03-06 23:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26227054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mymaskismywords/pseuds/mymaskismywords
Summary: How did an ordinary day end with a golf cart retreat from a towering, horrifying amalgamation of hundreds of gnomes stacked on top of each other? The back of Aden’s mind was trying to pinpoint exactly where it all went wrong while they all screamed in terror.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa, This is very minor for a while
Kudos: 7





	The Author

Aden wasn’t exactly psyched to learn that he was going to be spending his entire summer before senior year in a no-where town in Central Oregon. But when Lexa casually mentioned how lonely his great-uncle Nyko seemed lately, his annoyance abated a little.

So Aden and his younger sister, Madi, and even his best friend, Jerome Jaha were packed up and shipped to the Pacific Northwest for the summer. That could be the start.

“Why are you going to stay at our uncle’s with us?” Madi had asked Jerome while she and her brother sat in his room and watched him pack.

“He’s worried that I’ll do something stupid if you two aren’t around to stop me.” He explained, flashing a much too innocent grin. “So, if anything happens in Oregon, it’s your guys’ fault.”

“What could possibly happen in Oregon?” Aden asked and Madi had scolded him for being so negative.

Nyko picked the trio up at the airport, and everyone else at baggage claim gave him a wide berth. He was just as Aden remembered him, a tall, stocky man covered in dark hair and tattoos. He was also decked out in his work uniform of an old suit, bolo tie, and a fez hat. (A ridiculous ensemble on a truly scary looking man.) Nyko broke out in a wide smile when he spotted the teens and he pulled them into bone crushing hugs. Even Jerome got an embrace.

The drive into their uncle’s town of Gravity Falls was just a slow transition from city to suburbia to dense forest.

It seemed like Nyko’s house was in the middle of absolutely nowhere.

His log cabin was a bit ramshackle, with a hand painted sign declaring it the Mystery Shack on the red shingled roof. The side porch roof had a similar sign advertising that side as the gift shop. Aden noted the question mark weather vane. And then the pile of old appliances tucked into a corner of the lawn.

“Not a lot of room, unfortunately.” Nyko apologized. “You should do fine in the attic, though.”

The attic was a bit dusty and stuffy, but there was plenty of room and three decent sized camp beds set up.

Madi immediately made her choice and tossed her suitcase on the bed. “This place is nice.” She said, “It’s got a good view.” She pointed out the triangular window where the green-black forest and bright blue sky could be seen.

Aden smiled a bit at her optimism and went to toss his suitcase on his own bed but stopped short when he encountered a problem. “There’s a goat on my bed.” He said, matter-of-factly, too shocked to properly express it.

The goat’s brown coat was fluffy and long and he was chewing on a piece of fabric, eyes blank and staring dead ahead.

“Hey, buddy.” Madi greeted, as she came over. Jerome shook his head and kept his distance.

“Uh-uh.” He mumbled from the corner.

The goat finished up the fabric in its mouth and immediately bit at Madi’s hoodie sleeve.

“Oh, well, this is happening.” She said, brightly.

Aden managed to coax Jerome out of the corner to try to corral the goat. Once they got the animal safely out of the room and down the stairs, they all exchanged exasperated looks and began to properly unpack.

The first full day in Oregon was filled with Madi using her natural good deposition to her advantage and looking for excitement, with Aden and Jerome tagging along.

Nyko also always made sure that there were surprises around every corner. The teens soon learned that he had the unfortunate habit of putting on rubber masks and jumping out at them. They

probably should’ve expected as much from the proprietor of the Mystery Shack.

Nyko had turned most of the first floor of his home into a tourist trap showcasing all sorts of fake oddities like stuffed jackalopes and a fake bigfoot in underwear dubbed ‘the Sascrotch’.

Aden couldn’t, for the life of him, figure out how Nyko made it work, but tourists ate it up. Maybe the general weirdness of the nearby town helped.

Nyko took them into town on their first full day, and the local general store had filled him with so much unease it was incredible. The townspeople were...odd to say the least. And they all eyed the newcomers suspiciously, although that may have to do with their relation to the town con-man.

Nyko may have invited them because he wanted their company. But, it soon became clear that he was also going to use their visit as an opportunity for free workers for the Shack.

By the day in question, Aden had resigned himself to a summer of monotonous, country-living routine.

He came back inside the gift shop from helping a family load up their purchases in their minivan and he immediately grew suspicious of his sister and friend crouching behind a display of bobble-heads. He maneuvered around the shoppers to stand next to them.

“What are you two doing?” He asked and Madi shushed him and pointed to a teen boy a few feet away reading from a note.

"‘Do you like me?’” He read aloud. “‘Yes, definitely, absolutely’?”

“I rigged it.” Madi whispered conspiratorially.

Aden turned to Jerome, “Would it be safe to assume that you helped her with this?” He asked him.

Jerome winked in response. “Yes.” He said.

“Definitely.” Madi agreed.

“Absolutely.” Jerome finished, cheeky smile in place.

Aden rolled his eyes. “I think you guys are leaning too heavily on the ‘crazy’ part of ‘boy crazy’.” He said and Madi looked affronted.

“C’mon, don’t be a buzzkill.” She reached over to pull on his arm. “I’m fifteen and we’re on the other side of the country. This is my chance to have an epic summer romance like in the movies.”

“Don’t bother with him.” Jerome cut in, “Aden doesn’t know what romance is.”

“Hey, that’s not true.” He rushed to defend himself. “Lewis and I dated all last summer.”

“Yeah, I don’t count him.” Jerome shrugged. “He was the worst.”

“Yeah, he really was.” Aden agreed. “But, do you have to flirt with every guy in town?” He asked his sister, turning the conversation back to her. She nodded.

“Yes, it’s the fastest way to get the ball rolling. Speaking of,” She added suddenly, “When are you gonna get the ball rolling?”

“What are you talking about?”

Madi smiled and wrapped her arm around her brother’s shoulder, directing his attention to the cash register. Jerome, already understanding where this was going, threw his arm around his other shoulder so he couldn’t run away.

“We’re talkin’ ‘bout Miss. Morales.” He teased, in a truly horrible impression of a Southern drawl.

Aden tried to shrug them off with no avail. “She’s from Hawai’i not the South.” He grumbled.

As if sensing eyes on her, Leilani Morales looked over at them in the middle of ringing up a customer. She gave them a small smile and a wave.

Aden waved back, blushing wildy. He managed to shrug Madi and Jerome off this time.

“I thought it was Puerto Rico?” Jerome asked.

“Her mom’s from Hawai’i and her dad’s from Puerto Rico.” Aden explained.

“Ahh.” Jerome nodded.

Madi rolled her eyes. “I’m impressed you managed to get through an entire conversation to learn that.”

Aden only stuck his tongue out at her for lack of any other defense.

Lei finished ringing up the customers and the closing of the till seemed to summon Nyko. He came through the hallway that led to the museum, arms loaded with wooden signs advertising the Shack. “Alright, guys. And girls.” He called and the teens looked up. “I need someone to put up signs on the forest trail.”

“Not it!” Aden and Madi said at the same time. Jerome added on quickly and all eyes turned to Lei.

“I would but I...don’t want to?” She reached under the counter for her water bottle, smiling wickedly.

“I’m out too.” Came a new voice from the hallway behind Nyko. The voice was deep and Southern, putting Jerome’s earlier impression to shame.

Nyko yelled over his shoulder, “I wasn’t asking you, Andre. Did you fix that display case yet?”

There was no answer but there was the sound of a drill starting up. “I’d fire all of you if I could.” Nyko grumbled. His eyes landed on Aden. “You do it.”

“What? Why?”

“‘Cause I saw you first.”

“Uncle Nyko, everytime I go into the woods I feel like I’m being watched.”

Nyko waved his hand dismissively and dropped the signs into Aden’s arms. “You’ll be fine. Just be back before dark.”

It was the middle of the afternoon but the thick canopy of leaves overhead dimmed the sunlight and created a green and artificial dusk. The forest path was meandering and overgrown and after only a few yards the Mystery Shack was hidden from view. Aden checked his phone to find that there was absolutely no service. Not good.

There was no sound but the bird and bugs and leaves rustling and twigs snapping under Aden’s feet and occasionally off in the distance.

The air was thick with moisture and smelled like rain and pine but a nearly constant wind kept the sweat off and, in fact, made him shiver.

He stumbled his way down the path and dropped everything to the ground to put the first sign up. Why he was trying to advertise the Shack to the forest he didn’t know. Who was gonna see it? Mice, raccoons, badgers, coyotes, wolves, bears, mountain lions?

He accidentally spooked himself with his own train of thought and he jumped when he heard a bush rustle in the distance. He hoped he imagined the low growl that followed.

He stayed frozen when the sound moved closer.

Finally, a creature split the foliage and Aden’s heart leapt to his throat.

It was just his uncle’s dead-eyed, mangy goat. Aden scowled as the goat grazed at his feet. “I hate you.” He picked up the signs to continue with his pointless task.

He only had two signs left when it all started. He braced the nail against the tree and swung the hammer forward. There was a dull thud, and a low echo and the reverberation shook through Aden’s arm. He swore and dropped the hammer, attempting to shake the tingling out of his hand.

When he processed what had just happened, he used his good hand to rap against the tree. Again, there was that dull echo.

The tree was metal. And hollow.

Aden used his phone flashlight to study the tree, Nyko’s signs forgotten.

There, blending in amongst the bark was a rusty hinge. Looking closer than ever, he managed to spot a seam between the trees natural bark and camouflage. He used his nails to pry the compartment open.

There was an awful screech of metal and a rush of stale air. Flakes of rust rained down to the forest floor. The compartment was about the size of a cabinet with steel sheeting walls that were coated in rust and streaked with grease. Sitting in the center was some sort of machine. It looked like a HAM radio, or maybe a geiger counter. Cobwebs stretched across the whole space and an inch of dust covered everything. The dials were cracked and hard to read. Two rusted switches broke the surface between two atenneas.

Aden’s brain was running to catch up. “No way.” He breathed. He reached forward and flipped one of the switches before he could convince himself that that might not be the best idea. When nothing bad happened he decided to try his luck with the other switch.

There was another screech of metal and Aden whirled around in time to see the goat take off into the underbrush. A second secret compartment had opened in the ground a few feet away.

Aden made his way over on numb legs and kneeled down next to it. It was constructed similar as the first. The same sheet metal was used and it was similarly coated in rust and grease and a thin layer of dirt.

There was a large, hard covered book inside. “Stupid. Fucking stupid.” Aden scolded himself before he reached in and brushed a couple of dead bugs off the cover and he quickly pulled it out. He blew the dust off.

The cover was red with gold plated corners and accompanied by a six fingered hand with a painted number three on it.

Aden put the book on the ground and looked around to be sure he was still in the real world.

He got attacked by a mountain lion and was hallucinating as he bled out. Yeah, that was definitely it.

Aden flipped the cover open, sending up a fresh cloud of dust. A circular glass piece was attached to the book with a string.

**_Property of_** \- was printed inside the cover, and the name was torn out. Vol. 3 was written on the first page in a curly scrawl.

He turned the page and read the entry written under the date June 18: **_It’s hard to believe it’s been six years since I began studying the strange and wondrous secrets of Gravity Falls, Oregon._**

He continued to flip through the journal. It looked like a field guide for monsters. Floating eyeballs. Gnomes. All entires were filled with a clinical like description and hand drawn diagrams.

He turned to the last page with writing on it.

**_Unfortunately, my suspicions have been confirmed. I’m being watched. I must hide this book before He finds it. Remember- In Gravity Falls, there’s no one you can trust._**  
Aden snapped the journal closed, kicking up a last plume of dust. The author’s words stuck in his mind, no one you can trust…

“Hey!”

Aden jumped and clutched the book to his chest and he spun around, his heart jackhammering again. Madi was leaning over a fallen tree and smiling evilly. “I came to make sure you weren’t dead. What are you reading? Some nerd thing?”

“Coming from you.” Aden mumbled, heart still racing. He tried to glare, but he was still too relieved that he wasn’t being murdered to put any real heat behind it.

“What are you reading?” She repeated.

“Nothing.” Aden said, getting to his feet.

He noticed that both secret compartments had closed themselves.

Uncle Nyko’s goat had also made a reappearance at the edge of the clearing.

He glanced at Madi and saw a little bit of hurt on her face.

“Are you seriously not gonna show me?” She asked.

Aden shook his head to clear his thoughts. “Let’s go somewhere more private.”

They were safely back in the Mystery Shack before Aden allowed his excitement to bubble over. He made sure to check that no one else was around first though, he had no real idea why, but he felt a bit protective over the journal.

“It was incredible!” Aden exclaimed, pacing while Madi watched from Nyko’s Lay-Z-Boy. “It was like something out of a movie.”

Madi took the journal from his hands and flipped through it while Aden continued to talk. “From what I read, it looked like a field journal with all these monsters and stuff. Then the pages just end like the author just disappeared. It’s like one of those small town mysteries in detective movies.”

“Whoever the author was they were definitely off their rocker.” Madi said, “Look at this, ‘Gnomes, werewolves, vampires’-that last one’s kinda sick actually.”

“We should try to find the author.” Aden suggested, excitedly.

Madi raised her eyebrows skeptically. “There’s a few problems with that.” She started, “One, we don’t know their name. Two, we don’t know how old it is. Three, they were delusional and probably walked off into the woods.”

Aden pouted, “C’mon, Mads. Didn’t you want an epic summer adventure?”

She handed the journal back to him. “No, I said I wanted an epic summer romance. Very different.”

Before Aden could argue further the doorbell rang and Madi jumped up from the chair. “I got it.”

“Who is it?” Aden asked and Madi flushed a bit.

“I’ve actually got a date.” She sounded a bit sheepish.

“How? I was gone for like an hour.”

“Well just ‘cause it takes you three weeks to get a date doesn’t mean the rest of us have to work that slow.” She rushed out of the room and Aden flopped onto the vacated chair, scowling, both from the comment and the fact that he didn’t love the idea of his little sister going out with a stranger.

Nyko came casually into the living room then and Aden shoved the journal under him. “What are you reading, Goufa?” He asked him and Aden grabbed one of the magazines off of Nyko’s stack.

“Just umm...Gold Chains for Old Men Magazine?”

Nyko came over and clapped him on the shoulder. “That’s a good issue.” He said approvingly.

Aden was saved from having to talk about gold jewelry for old men by Madi, who came back into the room, dragging a tall teen boy by the sleeve.

“Guys, this is my date, Norman. We met in the parking lot.”

Norman turned and Aden was momentarily taken aback. Norman was tall, gangly and pale. His eyes were dull, his nose was lumpy and his hair had several leaves and twigs in it. There was also a large hole in the shoulder of his sweater.

“Sup?” Norman nodded, his voice was low and gravelly.

“Hey.”

“What’s up?” Aden and Nyko greeted back. Aden noticed a smear of red on Norman’s cheek.

“Are you bleeding, Norman?”

Norman averted his lifeless eyes, “It’s jam.” He answered and Aden almost laughed at how uneasy the whole situation felt.

Madi didn’t seem to notice. “I love jam!” She gushed.

Norman turned to her, seeming to totally forget that the other two were even there. “You wanna go and...hold hands or something?”

“Umm...sure, I guess. Don’t wait up.” She called and grabbed Norman’s arm. She ran out and Norman turned, caught his shoulder on the doorway and stumbled after her. There was the sound of glass breaking and the front door slammed closed.

Aden turned to his uncle and opened his mouth but quit when he saw that the man was engrossed in the magazine that Aden had discarded.

He slipped the journal under his arm and retreated upstairs where he immediately found Jerome, sprawled out on his bed and singing loudly along to NSYNC.

Aden tossed the journal onto his bed, excitement momentarily lost for the mystery. He then tossed his phone at his friend to get his attention.

“Dude, what’s your problem?” Jerome demanded, but he didn’t have much feeling in it when he saw the stormy expression on his friend’s face.

“Did you see the guy that Madi’s going on a date with?”

Jerome shrugged. “The one from the parking lot? Yeah, he’s a weirdo, everyone in this town is.”

“I don’t like him.”

Jerome rolled his eyes. “Yeah, well you’re her brother. It’s your job to not like him.”

“Well, I really don’t like him.” He grabbed his phone back, “And you’re gonna help me follow them.”

Jerome hesitated. “She’s not gonna like that, dude.”

Aden paused for only a moment before making up his mind. “I know, but that’s not gonna stop me. Wanna come?”

Jerome sighed and stood up. “If she kills you, she’ll end up killing me by extension anyway. I might as well earn it.”

Aden smiled and pulled his friend up and out of the room, the journal sitting, forgotten on his bed.

Aden and Jerome were lucky that Madi was too involved with her date to notice them following.

Their first stop was the local park, where the boys crouched behind bushes to watch Madi and Norman play frisbee.

Aden and Jerome didn’t witness anything particularly bad besides Norman’s absolutely awful reflexes and lack of coordination. At one point Norman seemed to have noticed them, but when he turned to look closer Madi nailed him in the face with the frisbee and he suddenly had other problems.

The second stop was the local diner, Greasy’s, a singular train car locked in place on an old track. Jerome and Aden watched from a bench across the street, hiding their faces behind newspapers.

Norman stumbled up to the door and punched through the door’s glass window to open it from the inside. Madi looked alarmed but still followed him inside.

Aden spluttered, “Do you believe me now?” He demanded of Jerome. “That dude’s psycho. Even by this town’s standards.”

“Okay, fine. You win. Your sister’s boyfriend is deranged.” Jerome admitted.

“Thank you.”

Their last stop before returning to the Mystery Shack was Gravity Falls’ Cemetery. Again, Norman didn’t do anything violent, however, watching him fall into an open grave and then crawl out laughing, certainly didn’t make him less suspicious.

Aden and Jerome confronted Madi as soon as they snuck back into the Shack after her.

“Madi, we need to talk to you about Norman.” Aden said as soon as him and Jerome busted into their attic room.

Madi turned away from the mirror where she was brushing her hair. “He’s cool, isn’t he?” She smiled and turned her head to reveal a red mark under her jaw. “Look at this hickey he gave me.”

“What the hell?”

Madi waved her brother off before he could say more. “I’m kidding. It was an accident with the leaf blower this morning.”

“What happened with the leaf blower?” Jerome asked and Madi’s eyes went distant for a second.

“It’s not important.”

“Let’s get back on track here, yeah?” Aden blurted out. “We’re trying to say that there’s something not right about him.”

Madi rolled her eyes and spotted the journal lying on Aden’s bed. “Do you think he might be a vampire?” She joked.

“Wait, hold up.” Jerome made a ‘pause’ gesture and spoke over the siblings. “What’s that?” He pointed at the, still filthy, journal.

Aden shook his head, growing frustrated. “I’ll explain later. No, Madi, Norman’s not a vampire, he’s just unhinged.”

She scoffed and turned back to the mirror. “You’re just mad that I have a date. You can’t be weirdly overprotective about every guy I hang out with.”

Jerome, who was still momentarily distracted with the journal that he was now leafing through, interrupted to show them the entry on zombies. “Maybe he’s a zombie.” He joked. “He looks like the drawing.”

This was evidently over the line. Madi scowled and turned towards them, face fiery. “Listen, Norman is picking me up again at five. We’re going on a date. He’s gonna be dreamy, and I’m going to be charming and you two idiots aren’t going to do anything to ruin it!” She was at least a head shorter then either of the boys but they retreated as she stormed towards them, shrinking away from her anger.

She backed them out of the room and slammed the door in their face.

“That went well.” Jerome mumbled after a moment of stunned silence. Aden’s shoulders slumped, guilt settling over him as he listened to Madi stomp around behind the door.

He knocked softly on the wood.

“Go away!” Madi yelled.

Jerome clapped him on the shoulder, sporting a textbook I-Told-You-So expression. Aden nodded and followed him downstairs.

They sat in the livingroom, wallowing, not paying attention to each other or anything else. At exactly five the doorbell rang and Madi came flying down the stairs. She glared into the livingroom at the boys as she passed and she answered the door.

“Hey Norman.” They heard her say.

“You look great.” Came Norman’s voice.

“Ready to go?”

“Of course.”

The door closed and Aden’s heart sank.

“We really fucked that up, didn’t we?” He asked Jerome.

“Fucked what up?” A new voice joined the mix and Aden and Jerome jumped. Andre Broussard, Nyko’s handyman, was leaning against the kitchen doorway, sipping from a water bottle.

Jerome coughed uncomfortably. Andre was dark skinned, lean, and had long dreadlocks that he kept tied back while he worked. Aden had never seen him wear anything besides a Mystery Shack t-shirt and cargo shorts. He studied them, looking like he didn’t have a care in the world, but his eyes were sharp. Aden got the sense that he didn’t miss much.

He was still watching them expectantly.

“Madi’s on a date with a weird dude and I told her that I didn’t like him. She didn’t appreciate that.” Aden explained.

“Ahh.” Andre clicked his tongue and nodded, knowingly. “That was your mistake. You can’t tell them that you don’t approve. Makes people want to prove you wrong.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Aden deflated a bit and Andre tilted his head.

“Does he make your skin crawl?” Andre asked, voice deathly serious, expression intense. “If you feel it, don’t ignore it. We have intuition for a reason.” With that, he turned and left, his words lingering in the air. Aden turned to Jerome, he was staring after Andre.

“Dude, you make fun of me around Lei.” Aden scolded his friend, pulling him back into reality. “Start thinking with your upstairs brain, yeah?”

Jerome scowled, “Shut up and let’s find your sister.”

“Right,” Aden nodded.

They rushed out of the house, yelling for Nyko, making their way to the front where the museum entrance was.

Nyko was standing on the porch, next to a misshapen rock on a pedestal, entertaining a crowd of tourists. “Behold, rock ‘that looks like a face’ rock. The rock that looks like a face.”

A man in overalls raised his hand. “Does it look like a rock?”

“No, it looks like a face.”

“Is it a face?” A second tourist asked.

Nyko growled. “It’s a rock that looks like a face.”

Several other people in the crowd started speaking up at once. Aden and Jerome tried to cut through the crowd and get Nyko’s attention. “Nyko!” They shouted, “Nyko!”

“No, for the last time, it’s not an actual face.” Nyko shouted into the restless crowd.

“This isn’t working.” Jerome groaned when he was pushed to the side by a large man in a Hawaiian shirt.

Aden agreed and looked around, desperately, for another solution. Finally, he spotted Lei pulling into the parking lot on the Shack’s golf cart.

Aden smacked Jerome’s shoulder, “Look!” They ran towards her, and she looked up, alarmed, when she heard them approaching.

“Lei!” Aden called, waving. “I need to borrow the cart so we can save Madi from a sketchy date.” He was panting by the time they caught up to her, probably looking half out of his mind,

“The tall dude with the dead eyes?” Lei asked, stepping out of the cart.

“Yes.”

She tossed the keys over. “Here. I saw them earlier on the forest trail. Try not to hit any pedestrians.”

Lei walked off and Aden silently congratulated himself on a (relatively) successful conversation with her. Jerome smacked him upside the head and they clambered into the cart. They paused when they saw Andre waving them down from the gift shop entrance.

“I wanted to give you guys these.” He said when the pulled up by him. He brandished a shovel and a baseball bat in both hands. “Better safe than sorry.” He said, tossing the weapons in the back.

“Thanks, Andre.” Jerome squeaked.

Andre nodded, and patted the top of the cart. “Good luck, guys.”

Madi and Norman walked probably a mile or so through the woods in fairly amicable silence. Eventually, when Madi was sure that they were far enough away to keep Aden and Jerome away, she began to relax more. She wouldn’t put it passed her brother to still try to ruin this for her.

She reached, hesitantly, for Norman’s hand but he suddenly stopped and turned away from her.

“Is everything okay?” She asked, him and she saw his body tense.

“Madi, before this keeps going, I think there’s something I should tell you.” He spoke haltingly, like he was struggling to find the right words.

Madi frowned, not quite liking this situation. “Sure, I mean, you can tell me anything.”

He turned. “Okay, just don’t freak out. Be cool and keep an open mind.”

Madi nodded but she glanced down the trail. There was no sign of anybody. She felt a slight pressure in her chest, the beginnings of unease.

She watched as Norman unzipped his tattered hoodie.

Madi felt certain that she would faint. Norman’s hoodie slipped from his hands and fell to the forest floor. Her brain short-circuited. She could practically hear the squeal of feedback in her ears. She felt a migraine come on instantly as she tried to process what she was seeing.

Standing before her, right where her date was just a moment ago, now stood five small men with beards and pointy red hats. Gnomes. Fucking garden gnomes.

Two were shoved in Norman’s shoes, two more were stacked on top of them, holding sticks with fake hands on the end. The top gnome had Norman’s face.

Madi swayed for a second on her feet. She was hallucinating, for sure.

“Is this weird?” The top gnomes asked. “Is this too weird? Do you need to sit down?” His voice was notably higher than Norman’s.

Madi snapped her mouth shut when she realized that it had been hanging open.

“Right, well. We’re gnomes, obviously.” The gnome continued. “Let’s get that out of the way.” Madi tried to make a sound but fell short, only releasing a breath. “Right, I’m Jeff.” The gnome introduced himself. “And here we have Carson, Steve, Jason, and-sorry I always blank on his name-” Jeff apologized to Madi.

The last gnome, one of those shoved into a shoe, had crossed eyes, a much fuller beard and eyebrows and wrinkled skin. “Shmebulock.” It grunted.

“Right.” Jeff snapped his fingers, “Shmebulock.”

Madi stepped back a few feet and sank onto a large rock, her legs feeling like jello.

“Anyways, long story short,” Jeff kept talking and Madi dropped her head into her hands, trying not to look at them. “Us gnomes have been looking for a new queen, right, guys?” She peeked between her fingers, horrified.

“Queen! Queen!” The other gnomes agreed, grasping at air with their little hands and baring surprisingly sharp teeth.

“So, what do you say?” Jeff asked, then he kicked one of the gnomes in the heads and the whole formation shifted so that they vaguely resembled the outline of a man kneeling.

She shook her head, hoping to dislodge the nightmare. When she focused on the gnomes again, there was an open ring box in one of the fake hands.

“Will you join us in Holy Matri-gnome-y?” Jeff coughed, “Matrimony, sorry.”

Madi rubbed her hands over her face and took a deep breath, finally feeling solid enough to stand. “Look, I’m really sorry, guys. You’re really sweet. But, I’m a 15 year old girl. And you’re...a bunch of gnomes. And it’s not...good.” She watched as the face of every gnome fell.

“We understand, Madi. We’ll never forget you.” Jeff said sadly.

Madi tried a weak smile, relief washing over her, and she took a step back down the trail towards the Mystery Shack.

“Because we’re gonna kidnap you.” Jeff added suddenly.

Madi halted. “What?”

Faster than humanly possible (they were gnomes, after all) Jeff leapt at her, teeth bared. She shrieked.

Jerome looked like he might be sick as Aden pushed the cart to the limits of its speed and swerved around roots and holes in the trail.

“We’re gonna die in this cart.” Jerome groaned as his stomach churned when the rocketed over a hill. Aden hit his shoulder, which wasn’t very helpful.

“No one’s gonna die in a golf cart.”

“Pretty sure that’s not true.”

A scream from somewhere up the trail interrupted them. It was close, and could be heard over the rumble of the small but overworked engine.

Aden and Jerome only glanced at each other, both understanding that it was Madi. Aden pushed the gas down even further somehow and they took off after the sound. He chanced a quick look to make sure the weapons that Andre had given them were still there. He had only taken them to placate him, but now he was beginning to think they may prove useful.

They turned a corner and another scream could be heard, this time off into the woods. Aden only hesitated for a second before turning and driving straight into the thicket of trees. Jerome yelped.

“Wouldn’t it be safer to go on foot?” He shouted. But it was too late for that. After the first few feet of trees, the ground took a sharp downturn and they hurtled down the decline, bumping over roots and rocks and who knows what else. Yelling the entire way.

They only just managed to avoid hitting any trees head on. It was a miracle that they stayed up right until the ground evened out.

At the bottom of the hill the grass was taller, the tree trunks were thicker and their canopies closed in completely overhead. Mushrooms the size of someone’s head grew between roots and they seemed to give off a faint glow. The air smelled like Earth, like sweet and musty earth.

There was the sound of shouting and movement close by, quite apart from the eerie quiet of this section of woods.

They drove through the foliage, having to move slower than before, but they still shot over the ground and burst into a clearing and straight into a fantastic nightmare. Aden slammed on the brakes and the cart lurched but stopped.

Madi was standing in the middle of the clearing, surrounded by a shifting and chittering mass of...somethings. Aden had gone in expecting an altercation with Madi’s date, not a herd of short, bearded hobbits.

“What the fuck?” Jerome breathed and Aden couldn’t even begin to respond.

“Let go of me!” Madi shouted, trying to shake one of the creatures off her arm. She managed to get a good momentum and swing the thing off of her and away. It hit the ground, rolled, and stood, clutching its stomach.

The boys watched, transfixed, as the creature vomited a rainbow mess.

“Shit.” Jerome turned and emptied his own stomach on the ground.

Aden reached behind him and grabbed the shovel from the back. “What’s going on?” He shouted to Madi, who was still punching and kicking at the rest of the things with vigor.

One of them, with a long, gray bear ran passed and hissed at Aden, who flinched back from the vicious looking teeth.

“You were right!” Madi yelled back, “Norman was a bunch of gnomes. And they suck!”

_Gnomes. Well that’s...unexpected._

She called out in pain when a gnome grabbed two little fistfulls of her brown hair.

“Live gnomes?” Jerome asked, emerging from behind the cart with the baseball bat. “Wasn’t that in your journal thing?”

“Yeah…” Aden said but he didn’t have time to think about the implications of that. He watched as several gnomes dove for Madi’s knees and managed to topple her over. The boys started forward, weapons raised, but Madi yelled to keep them back.

“They’re monsters! And they bite! What did the journal say about gnomes?”

“I don’t know. Jerome you had it last.” Aden turned to his friend who looked startled at being put on the spot.

“I didn’t read it or anything.”

“Well where is it?”

“We left it back at the Shack.”

Aden groaned and looked around, desperate for a plan. Finally, he spotted a gnome standing on a rock, overseeing the efforts of the others and yelling orders at them. Aden marched towards him, shovel raised to swing. He noted belatedly that the gnome had Norman’s face.

“Let my sister go.” He demanded

The gnome looked up at him and held up two tiny hands placatingly. “Easy.” The gnome said, “This is a big misunderstanding. Your sister’s not in danger. She’s just marrying all 1,000 gnomes and becoming our queen.”

“You’re all insane!” Madi yelled and some gnomes rushed to cover her mouth. Aden momentarily felt grateful that they were only dealing with a dozen or so gnomes, and not all 1,000.

“Let her go, or else.” He warned, he caught Jerome out of the corner of his eye, slowly making his way towards the gnomes surrounding Madi.

“You don’t scare me.” The gnome said, expression turning stormy. “You have no idea what we’re capable of. The gnomes are a powerful race! Do not trifle with-” Aden didn’t bother to listen to the rest. He swung the shovel forward, but instead of hitting the gnome on the head with it, he used it to scoop him up like a pile of dirt and toss him. The gnome landed, shrieking, in the underbrush. Some of the other gnomes rushed to gather their leader and Jerome used the distraction to push through the remaining gnomes and grab Madi.

“How’s it going, Mads?” He asked, pulling her to her feet.

“I’ve been better.” She kicked a gnome that reached for her ankle.

“Let’s go!” Aden called, motioning to the cart. The leader and the other gnomes were making their way back, looking royally pissed.

“They’re getting away with our queen.” One of the gnomes yelled, “Stop them!”

The teens clambered into the cart. Aden reversed and gunned back the way they had come in, just before the first of the gnomes reached the cart.

“The hill’s too steep to go up.” Jerome warned. “We’re gonna have to find another way.”

“The Shack is that way.” Aden nodded his head in the general direction of the sinking sun. “We’ll find a longer way around.”

“Hurry.” Madi urged, shaking her brother’s shoulder. “Before they catch up.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Jerome reassured her and then he cackled. “They have little legs. They don’t stand a chance.”

At that moment there was a horrible crash from where they had retreated from, with enough force behind it to shake the ground. Aden instinctively stopped the cart, worried about losing control.

Three heads turned.

“Holy shit.”

“No way.”

“Christ.”

Standing, as tall as the nearby trees, was a humanoid shaped mass of a thousand angry gnomes all stacked on top of each other. It was mind numbingly terrifying.

“Go! Go! Go-Go-Go!” Madi and Jerome yelled and Aden put the pedal to the floor. The gnome monster roared and slammed its fist to the ground. Smaller trees snapped like toothpicks. The monster roared again and ran after the cart, the ground shaking like an earthquake with each gigantic footfall.

Aden kept his head forward, maneuvering the cart through tall grass, low hanging branches, and closely grown trees. Madi and Jerome watched the monster close in.

“Incoming!” Jerome warned, and there were numerous thuds against the cart as gnomes descended on them.

Despite the speed and the obstacles, the gnomes stayed on the cart, and even managed to crawl around to the seats.

They grabbed and scratched and bit at the teens. One gnome swung down from the roof and Madi dislodged him with an elbow to the face. Jerome was armed with the bat still, trying to keep as many gnomes at a distance as possible.

A gnome slipped passed Jerome and leaped to cling to Aden’s shoulder, who yelped when the gnome yanked himself up to bite his ear.

“I got you,” Madi grappled with the creature and it managed to scratch Aden’s face in several places before she managed to toss it off.

“There!” Jerome pointed. “That’s the trail, isn’t it?” Up ahead and to their left, the trees did appear to thin considerably.

“It’s something.” Aden agreed and aimed for it. They emerged on the thin dirt track and if Aden was remembering right, they weren’t far from the Shack. Although, he wasn’t 100% sure how the ramshackle building would protect them from gnome-zilla.

There was a terrible ripping sound, quite different from the crashes the monster had been making so far. Aden glanced behind him and his heart dropped. The monster tore a full grown tree out of the ground, huge chunks of earth still clinging to its tangle of roots, and tossed it like a spear.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion. He heard Jerome and Madi scream, he was sure that he did too. He watched the tree fly overhead. He watched it slam into the ground in front of them and splinter into huge chunks of wood that went flying. The debris blocked the path.

Aden hit the brakes and yanked the wheel. And lost control. They spun. The roof of the cart scraping against wood as they passed under a section of trunk being held up by an arch of branches.

They slid several more feet before Aden managed to straighten the vehicle out for a second. They turned a corner going too fast and the cart caught a rock and spun again, this time with no hope of recovery. Aden only just managed to catch a glimpse of the tree line and the parking lot of the Mystery Shack before the cart bumped over something and tipped on its side.

The cart slid another few feet, bruising, jostling, and scraping the occupants inside. They were only dazed for a few seconds, when the crash of the monster’s footsteps forced them to come back to reality.

They crawled out of the wreckage, and found themselves in the Shack’s yard.

Aden still felt too detached, like was dreaming. Jerome grabbed his arm and shouted something that he didn’t understand. He limped after Jerome and Madi, as they rushed towards the Shack.

Everything clicked back into its horrible place when the monster roared again, and the three teens whipped around. The monster stood just before the treeline, staring down at them. They were completely at its mercy.

Aden spotted the shovel lying a few feet away and he ran as best as he could to grab it. “Stay back!” He shouted and whipped the shovel towards the monster. It fell short and just thudded to the ground.

He retreated back to the other two, and the three of them huddled together. “How does no one see this?” Madi asked, her voice shaky. They all locked eyes.

“The World’s Most Distracting Object?” Jerome guessed and the other two nodded. That part of the tour tended to last hours. Unfortunately, it was one of the few of Nyko’s artifacts that actually seemed to worked.

“It’s the end of the line, kids.” The gnome sitting on the very top of the creature called down. Aden recognized the voice as the gnome leader. “Marry us, Madi. Before we do something crazy.”

“There’s gotta be a way out of this.” Aden said, keeping a grip on his sister’s arm. He looked around for anything that could be used as a weapon or maybe a bargaining chip.

Madi squared her shoulders, and reached up to take Aden’s hand off of her arm. “I gotta do it.” She said, voice firm.

“Trust me.” She pleaded. She looked to Jerome, who frowned, and then nodded, almost imperceptibly. He stepped away.

Aden opened his mouth to protest but stopped and sighed. He gave her one more level look before stepping away too.

“Alright, Jeff.” Madi called up to the gnome, walking towards the monster, chin set at a stubborn angle. “I’ll marry you.”

Jeff cheered audibly and crawled down the tower of gnomes. He scrambled across the grass as fast as his little legs would carry him. He kneeled in front of Madi, and once again produced the ring.

Madi put her hand forward and Jeff placed the ring on her palm. “Let’s get you back in the forest.” He told her, motioning for her to follow him. She stopped him with a word.

“Wait just a minute. You may now kiss the bride.” She smiled.

Jeff eyed her up and down, seeming to consider the offer. “Don’t mind if I do.” He said, his mouth quirked up in a leer.

Madi bent down slightly, and when got on tip-toe to get closer she dove for the pile of old appliances. Jeff made a noise of surprise and indignation. Madi stood, victorious, leafblower braced against her hip like a shotgun. She turned it on and it kicked to life with a growl. Jeff backtracked and eyed the monster of gnomes. They stayed silent and still without their leader at its head.

Madi advanced on him and switched the leafblower to vacuum mode. Jeff was wide eyed, and Aden couldn’t blame him. She had the same fierce glint in her eye that she had earlier when she had thrown Jerome and him out of their room.

She reached him and in the blink of an eye everything got weird. Jeff must have been made of something a bit lighter than skin and bone cause the power of the vacuum had sucked Jeff right into the tube.

“That’s for lying to me.” She told him harshly. She flipped the switch and the machine growled deeper. “That’s for breaking my heart.” The glanced at the boys. “And that’s for hurting my brothers.”

She released and Jeff shot out of the tube with a strange popping sound and a rush of air.

Jeff collided with the gnomes making up the monster’s chest and the whole structure collapsed.

“I’ll get you back for this!” They heard Jeff shout from the gaggle of gnomes. The other gnomes looked distressed, understanding that their leader had been bested. They fled for the woods; a mass of restless, live, garden gnomes.

Once the last gnome disappeared and the last leaf stopped rustling and the last twig snapped, the teens exchanged looks and the crumpled to the lawn.

They lay there for some time, bodies and brains aching.

“You called me your brother.” Jerome was the first to break the silence, voice tinged with affection. He turned his head to look at the younger Woods sibling, she was lying face up, with her eyes closed. He could practically see her eyes roll under her lids.

“Of course.” She said. “You were just as annoying as Aden about the whole thing.” She sighed. “I am sorry for ignoring you guys. You were right.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Aden was just close enough to reach over and rest a hand on her shoulder. “You were awesome. You saved our asses.”

The pride could be heard in Madi’s voice, “You bet I did.”

“Does this mean that you’ll listen to us next time we don’t like a guy?” Jerome asked.

“Definitely not. This will happen again.”

The three shared an exhausted giggle and reluctantly pried themselves up from the ground, still feeling the effects of the gnome fights and the cart crash.

Distantly, from the otherside of the house, they could hear the crunch of shoes on gravel and the accompaniment of vehicular sounds.

They slowly trudged to the gift shop entrance.

They found Nyko alone at the register, counting out the day’s drawer. He looked startled when they came in and slammed the door behind them. “You guys get hit by a bus or something?”

None of the teens had the energy to answer beyond a groan. Nyko studied them closely and cleared his throat awkwardly. “I, uh, accidentally overstocked some stuff for the shop, so why don’t you each pick something. On the house.”

“Really?” Madi asked and Aden eyed his uncle skeptically.

Nyko reached over the counter to ruffle his nephew’s hair. “You look like a wreck, Goufa.” He said. “Here.” He reached under the counter and dug around for a second before emerging with a baseball cap with an outline of a pine tree on it. “Woods. get it?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Uncle Nyko.” Aden said and his uncle tossed it at his head.

“Mr. Woods, can I take one of these?” Jerome asked, pointing to the row of information booklets on the town.

“Sure, kid.”

Madi made a noise of surprise and all eyes turned to her as she straightened up from the bin she had been rifling in. “I found a grappling hook!”

“We sell grappling hooks?” Aden asked and his uncle shrugged.

“You sure you don’t want, like, a doll or something?” He asked Madi, who gave him a disbelieving side eye.

“Nope. Grappling hook.”

“Alright then.”

That night, Aden, Madi, and Jerome laid in their campbeads, listening to each other’s breathing and the nighttime insects and the groaning of the Shack.

“You realize we have to find the author of the journal, right?” Aden asked into the darkness, reaching to make sure that the journal was still safely under the mattress where he had stashed it.

He heard Madi shift around on her bed which squeaked with the movement. “I know. If the journal was right about the gnomes…”

“It might be right about everything else?” Aden finished. No one bothered disagreeing,

“I guess we got that epic summer adventure you were looking for, Mads.” Jerome teased. He sounded on the brink of sleep, his voice only just louder than the chirp of crickets outside.

“Epic summer romance.” Madi corrected, then groaned. “I can’t believe my first date was a bunch of gnomes.”

“Well, if the journal is real…” Aden started, sleep creeping up on him too, “Maybe the next one will be a vampire.”

“You’re just saying that to be nice.” Madi said, but smiled into her pillow nonetheless. They fell silent for the night, and then into sleep.

Nyko returned to the shop after the kids had gone up to bed. He had moved restlessly about the room doing minor, busywork chores for a good few hours, listening constantly for the sound of movement upstairs to cease.

Nighttime was well established by the time that he was satisfied that the kids were asleep. He went to the vending machine in the corner. The one that ate quarters and got jammed frequently and that Andre always forgot to restock. He hit the familiar pattern of buttons. They were sticky. There was a clunk sound of something shifting into place, a hiss as the vending machine separated from the wall, and a creak as the whole machine swung forward lethargically.

Nyko reached into the empty space the door revealed and found the flashlight mounted on the wall. He thumbed it on. A steep, steel staircase descended into darkness.

Nyko walked down the steps, breathing in musty air and pushing cobwebs out of his face. The vending machine-door closed behind him with a thud.


End file.
